FAT CAMP: Week 3, Britney Spears is HUGELY Fat
By: Robert Joki
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September 11, 2007
Britney Spears has been criticized countless times for lip syncing through "live" performances. Her saving graces have been sex appeal, amazing costumes, and tight dance routines...none of which made an appearance at this year's MTV Video Music Awards. Clad in a glittery, black, two-piece, lingerie set, and awkward, five inch, spike heeled boots, she clumsily clomped around the stage like a giraffe with a Nyquil hangover. I don't remember the song at all. Neither did she, apparently...because her lips barely moved. The highlight of the performance was the troupe of dancers who were clearly choreographed to divert attention from everything that wasn't going on in the spotlight.
When I woke up the next morning I was expecting to read flop headlines. The performance was mediocre at best and I knew she was going to be skewered. If you are under 30, female, and attractive, you either have to crap rainbows or give birth to a new messiah to get positive media these days. I am convinced that even a flawless performance would have garnered only warm reviews. I was expecting people to comment that she wears underwear onstage but not when she goes clubbing. I was expecting people to knock her crappy weave. I thought I was expecting the worst. Silly me. Across the country, newspapers, tabloids, and websites took their nit picky criticisms of the former pop diva to an exciting new low...one that is reminiscent of high school lunch rooms, gym classes, and study halls everywhere. They called her fat.
TMZ.com labeled the video of the already infamous performance, "The Fat Lady Has Sung" and reported that Ms. Spears looked "like a house." The headline in the New York Post said "Lard and Clear!" Numerous articles compared "bloated Britney" to a "fat Elvis" attempting to stage a comeback.
Britney Spear's may be a lot of things; mediocre, washed up, tragic, white trash. But fat? Come on! She is probably a size 8. True, she doesn't have the chiseled abs or biceps that carried the albino python around the stage in 2001...but she's had two kids since then. She looks more Kelly Clarkson than Gwen Stefani, so what? She looks like a real girl....a troubled, talentless, attainable, REAL girl. She needs to fire her stylist and make out with Madonna summore.
Cut to Rihanna, backstage, cautiously nibbling on half of a brownie...talking about how she hadn't had carbs in months because she wanted to fit into her pink Armani gown. Now that's healthy...and glamorous! She looked like she had some ribs removed...and I don't even want to guess how many roles of double sided tape she needed to keep her girls from going wild on live tv...but I guarantee she makes all of the best dressed lists.
In this country, we like our celebrities to be just starving enough. If you are ten pounds too thin, we consider deporting you to Ethiopia. Ten pounds too heavy...and you're a pig from hell who must be mocked accordingly. Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, and Lyndsay Lohan are too thin. Jennifer Hudson and America Ferrera are too fat. Meanwhile, Keira Knightley's shoulder blades can slice through metal. We only hear about Mariah Carey or Janet Jackson when they gain weight. Kirstie Alley must still be thin because I haven't heard a thing about her in a couple of months... and what about Valerie Bertinelli? She hasn't had a job outside of LIFETIME in like twenty years...but she decides to join Jenny Craig and now she is on TV every five seconds. The skeleton previously known as Angelina Jolie is one of the most photographed women in the world. And Lara Flynn Boyle? Lara, skin boiled!
Ok, I don't know what that means...but what I do know is...we are sending super-mixed messages about what constitutes a healthy body image. And we are obsessed! We watch Oprah's waistline more than we watch our own borders. Every night we turn on the local news and hear about how we are the fattest country in the world. Then the national news comes on and they tell us again...just in case we didn't hear it the first time. Next comes the entertainment "news" which shows us bikini pics of an obese Tara Banks at a whopping 130 pounds. After that comes the latest episode of The Biggest Loser where no one weighs under 250. What the hell? It seems like the best way to tell if you are fat...is if there is a skinnier S.O.B. out there who tells you so.
Britney is as big as a house? Really TMZ? Where exactly do you live?
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Hm...Britney's sphere of influence is big as a house. I'm a Britney cheerleader. I admit it. I love underdogs.
i would have sympathy for britney if her "comeback" wasn't such a fabricated and artificial mess.
Everyone loves a comeback. I have never been much of a spearshead but even I will admit that I was kind of hoping she would take the stage at the VMAs and kick ass. I am completely convinced that MTV purposely allowed Britney Spears to go onstage unprepared. Someone was in charge of making sure the musical numbers for the reward show were polished...and that someone either truly dropped the ball, or more likely, sat back and let Britney bomb...with ratings in mind, no doubt.
I felt somewhat bad for her, yet also feel like she needs to take control of her own life. Apparently they had tried to prepare her to go out there with a better costume and had tried to get her to learn the routine and train for the performance, but she ditched their costume a day before the show and they couldn't keep her interested in learning the routine. Not that I blame her, but ya know, she didn't come up with anything *better* either. I just think if she's going to try to come back (I'm not a fan of her "work", but can look at her career *as* a career objectively) she needs to either find people who she trusts to help her make decisions, and come up with something she likes doing if she doesn't like what they ask her to do. I'm not sure if this is a fault/blame situation. And if it is, I think she's as much at fault as anyone else. Being a public figure, she's got to care about herself before anyone else does. Otherwise, why *should* the public care?
lara, skin boiled.
oh, where oh where do you come up with these gems?!?!
and i admit it: i have been poking fun of brit brit's chub when i have absolutely no room to talk (in fact, i would KILL to have her current body, possibly moreso than her former body only because it probably still has some good drugs running through it).
BUT i am an underpaid, underappreciated educator/social worker/volunteer, so food is my only source of comfort. at least britters has money and fame and those kids and that python.
i don't understand why anyone would call her an underdog. at one point she was probably the most popular performer in america, and possibly the world. does she really deserve more fame? more importantly, does she need it? aren't there more important and more talented people who deserve to be recognized?
i have no sympathy for her because she was a shameless self-promoter of her marriage and her first child. does anyone remember that statue of her giving birth?
fall from grace? let's just say there was no grace to begin with.
A statue of Britney Spears gave birth?
HOLY CRAP!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_E...
Great column Rob! The sculpture of Britney giving birth was not part of any self-promotion, but done by an artist who, I think, is making a commentary on our celebrity culture.
Sadly, it makes sense to me that people wanted to rip Britney apart for her weight. People want something to worship without giving up control or really changing. They create gods out of singers, actors, etc. and the record labels and movie studios gladly promote that idealistic image. But as soon as a celebrity gains a pound we get to pull them down from the pedestal we put them on. People want heroes, but they don't want heroes that stay perfect because then everyone feels bad about themselves.
the statue wasn't criticism about celebrity culture. it was a celebration of birth, more importantly, a celebration of celebrity birth, which is more important than regular people birth.
I feel pretty good about my body, I'll admit it. Sure, I may have an extra pound or two, but in general, I'm pretty happy...That being said, I agree with M. Joki that Britney is a size 8ish, because she and I have just about the same body now...and I'm just shy of a size 9. I am built HEALTHY, but the first major showing of a woman of my size was hailed as a flabby, shameful, and disgusting blob. That is indefensible. She wasn't her former self, but she was far from vile. Britney's performance was pathetic, her face a perfect example of what too many nights on sleep aids will do. But I maintain that the only thing out of shape about the ordeal was our insane overreaction to it.
yeah but presumably you are a productive human being. she earns all of her money being attractive. in the end, she didn't do her job.
so... are you still fat?
maybe he suddenly became not fat so the blog had to end?
Yes. I purchased a "Fat Magnet" off of an infomerical...and within moments I became thin! I sought it and forgot it.