But, sex...
By: Robert Joki
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February 3, 2008
Dear Fat Camp,
I read your last blog and I truly enjoyed it. I like that you are so funny and also informative at the same time. I was wondering if you could give me some advice as well.
I am a 23 year old female. My bf and I have been together for a little over a year. We started having sex about a month into the relationship. We've had a pretty healthy sex life except for one thing. I don't know how to put this gently so I'll just say it. He keeps trying to stick it in my butt. He knows I don't want him to do that. We've had conversations about it but he tells me that everyone does it and he still tries. Every once in a while he will pop the tip in there and check to see my reaction. It feels like a jolt of electricity goes through my body. I usually pull away and glare at him. Then he pretends it was an accident. It wasn't an accident.
Why is my bf obsessed with butt sex? Is this normal? Or am I being a prude? Do you think he may be secretly gay? If this is something normal that everyone does, what can I do to, and please pardon the expression, open myself up to the experience? Is it really going to hurt as much as I think it will? I could really use your advice.
Sincerely,
Exit Only
....................................................................................................................
Dear Miss Exit Only,
You're right. It was probably not an accident.
First, let me say that I do not think your boyfriend is gay. His infatuation with your butt is not symptomatic of homosexuality. Gay men are attracted to men...not necessarily penises or anuses or any one body part. Not that I haven't dated a few assholes in my day...lol.
Will it hurt? The short answer is yes. The long answer is especially yes. Your poop chute is lined with nerve endings. Also, we are talking about shoving something in to an orifice that is designed to push objects out. It is a little bit different for guys. With practice, the prostate gland can be located and massaged until the point of orgasm...but since you don't have a prostate, the pleasure will most likely be your boyfriend's.
The bottom line is...you already have a hole for that. It's tailor made. Gay men use the backdoor because it's the only door. Yes, it's a total fire hazard...but it's what we have to work with. What's your boyfriend's excuse? My guess is that his obsession is based more on deviant thrill than anything. And that's fine...far be it from me to be prudish. But how do you feel about it? If you are uncomfortable with the idea, don't do it. If he won't leave your ass alone dump his.
But should you decide to let him have his way, allow me to offer you a few suggestions:
1. Think ahead
Make sure you are prepared. Don't go out for all you can eat Pasta Bowl or ESPECIALLY Mexican food beforehand. Also avoid popcorn at all costs. Don't ask.
2. Use lots of lubrication.
Water based foaming lubrications are best because they don't stain clothing or bed sheets. DO NOT use "tingling" massage oils or hot lotions. It'll be warm enough, trust me.
3. Begin with you on top.
No exceptions. You need to be in control until you get used to it. Once your muscles loosen up and become comfortable you can do whatever Circ du Soleil bullshit your boyfriend wants...but at the beginning you need to concentrate on not ending up in the emergency room.
4. Alcohol, alcohol, alcohol !
If at all possible, have a few cocktails. Not so much that you can't think or function...just enough to relax and let go of your inhibitions.
5. Stand Your Ground
If you try it and don't like it, don't let yourself be bullied into doing it again. And don't let him stick it in your mouth after...cuz girl, that's just nasty.
6. Offer alternatives
Most guys are easily distracted. There are other things you can let him do that may divert his one track mind. You know what I'm talking about. Indulge his other fantasies. Let him stick it between your boobs. Let him watch his favorite porn during sex. Dress up like Princess Leia. These things might seem absurd to you...but at least they won't feel like a hot poker in your fanny.
Best wishes,
RDJ
So readers...do you have any advice to offer this young woman?
Girls, have you been there before, and if so, how did you handle it?
Guys, can you offer any insight into the mind of her backdoor bandit boyfriend?
We'd love for you to leave a comment...just be sure to glide it in gently ;O)
If anyone has a question they would like answered on FAT CAMP, please feel free to contact me at Robertjoki@aol.com. I promise to keep all posts anonymous.
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Comments
aaaaaaaaaahaahahahahahahaha! That was absolutely hilarious. A fine example of true humor. :)
-m
Eat a bunch of taco bell before each sexual encounter. If that doesn't send him running and screaming back to the vag nothing will.
lol. classic
hmm or we could stick this in our poopers....
Clinton May Garnish Wages to Achieve Universal Health Care
By Susan Jones
CNSNews.com Senior Editor
February 04, 2008
(CNSNews.com) - Will Sen. Hillary Clinton garnish the wages of people who can afford health insurance but refuse to buy into her universal health care plan? Maybe.
The Democratic presidential hopeful tried to duck the question Sunday, when ABC's George Stephanopoulos asked her about wage-garnishing three times. But she didn't rule it out.
Clinton on Sunday described universal health care as "a core Democratic value and a moral principle, and I'm absolutely going to do everything I can to achieve that."
The campaign of Sen. Barack Obama is warning voters that Clinton's plan forces everyone to buy insurance, even if they can't afford it. "And if they cannot afford it, then the question is what are you going to do about it? Are you going to fine them? Are you going to garnish their wages?" Obama asked Clinton at one of their debates.
Clinton, pressed on the issue Sunday during her appearance on ABC's "This Week," said people will be able to afford her plan because she would limit premiums to a "low percent of your income."
According to Clinton, "about 20 percent of the people who don't have health insurance in America today could well afford it," despite its "exorbitant" cost. "So what we've got to do is have shared responsibility. Everybody has to pay something, but, obviously, on a sliding scale."
Stephanopoulos tried again: "And I still haven't heard, if people can afford it and they don't buy the insurance, will their wages be garnished under your plan? Will they have to pay fines?"
Clinton told Stephanopoulos "there are a number of ways" of getting people to enroll in her universal health care plan. "I think you can automatically enroll people, and you will then say you've got to be part of this."
She added that Congress is sure to "have some ideas" about it as well. "But if you don't start with universal health care, if you don't say everybody's going to be in the system, we'll never get there," Clinton said.
Pressed a third time on the wage-garnishing question, Clinton said, "we will have an enforcement mechanism -- whether it's that (wage garnishing) or it's some other mechanism through the tax system or automatic enrollments."
Clinton said the "key point" is to implement universal health care. She said the mechanism by which it is achieved -- "going after people's wages, automatic enrollment...whatever the mechanism is, is not as important as...the fundamental commitment to universal health care..."
Clinton insisted that she will not force people to buy health insurance they can't afford: "There will be mechanisms to enable everyone to afford it. We have costed this out, and we will be able to achieve it," she insisted.
dear god not socialism
Will discussing that stuff will kill any chance of any type of sex...well with most normal people, although I know a few who could probably get off listening to politics.
lol your right, I need my own blog, my apologies to RDJ.
Will a blog on politics will probably get as many hits on this site as Mackeys blogs on video games do.
spoken like a true tattoo model
"Will a blog on politics will probably get as many hits on this site as Mackeys blogs on video games do."
So not true... politicians are way sexy. I Think Will should blog about politics.
Very well said Rob. Your deep insights into buttsex theory and practice never cease to amaze me. You should right a book and call it "My Buttsex, Myself."
The blog was awesome but I think the comments took a magical journey into randomness.
I don't know about magical...but it sure did take a journey. Anal sex, Hilary Clinton, socialism, video games, tattoo models. I don't know about you...but I'm exhausted.
"Anal sex, Hilary Clinton, socialism, video games, tattoo models." Yea, that would be quite an eventful evening.
Mackey, that was humor, I would have put a little smiley face afterwards but we all know how much you love those. :-)
>:|
Mackey wouldn't know humor if it flipped him over and did him dry.
Or WOULD he? Wink. Wink :O)
are you implying i should be anally raped by a concept?
No. Even a concept can't rape the willing.
Ya'll dudes is gay!...
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Gay is the new pink. And the old pink.
"Think pink! think pink! when you shop for summer clothes.
Think pink! think pink! if you want that quel-que chose.
Red is dead, blue is through,
Green's obscene, brown's taboo.
And there is not the slightest excuse for plum or puce
—or chartreuse."
Movie trivia time....
"Oh no Miss Prescott, you mustn't say that!"
I think they'd take away my Gay Equity Card if I didn't know the answer to that one ;O)
"No. Even a concept can't rape the willing."
oh so the insult is that i like to be raped?
you're a cool dude with a good head on his shoulders
No. I am implying that you would enjoy it so much that it would not BE rape. Actually...I don't know what I was implying. I think this is just a string of word play that has gone bad. So bad that it's good.
"cool dude"..."good head" Mackey, stop loving me.
if you honestly think that implying that someone is gay is an insult, that's your problem.
I never once implied you were gay, doll. I merely suggested that you would enjoy being penetrated by humor...which as far as I know is genderless. Unless you consider humor to be male. My! How sexist of you!
"I merely suggested that you would enjoy being penetrated by humor"
aaaaahahahaha. My day has started in the right direction. :)
-m
this is entering a weird area
HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!!
This is hilarious! I never realized anal innuendos and socialist economics had so much in common....
I was really trying to avoid the "Blogs of our Lives" again, but gee, butt sex really takes you 'back'.
"I merely suggested that you would enjoy being penetrated by humor"
That sounds painful. Looks like you touched a "nerve" there. But what do you expect from the sans-satirical.
; )
this blog has had one butt sex joke too many. Ya'll cat's are booty...
Teehee.
maybe you should draw an anime that best represents your feelings on this issue
lol. that's not a bad idea. I can probably sum it up in one "splash" page.
heh heh
back to butt sex...my ex "slipped" once and I cried...A LOT! You can always try crying girl, nothing works better for a limp biscuit!
ps. i hate bob mackey!
"Gay is the new pink. And the old pink." Hating Bob Mackey is the new pink. If you get a chance go an check out the comment board of his video game blog, AKA, Nerd Central ::YAWN:: I prefer the ambiance here in Pervertville. At least the gay shit is funny.
I love you!!! All I have to say is, don't knock it untill you try it...but I'm also married (12 looooonnnggg years)...got to keep it spicy...AND only every once in a blue moon, so to keep it new...And to give your (_*_) some time to heal... ;)...In the words of my first recorded song "Don't be Afraid"
i feel like, maybe, some girls have larger (read looser) vagina's and or the men have smaller penis' and hetero butt sex just offers more stimulation for the guy?
maybe?