I'm Bringing MCCain Back

By DrGoo

September 27, 2008

1 comment

Before Justin Timberlake partnered up with Timbaland, there was a huge problem. The problem; sexy had left the building. Where did sexy go, I do not know. What I do know is the team of Timbaland and Timberlake took sexy and brought it back, and now sexy is here for all of us to enjoy. Just like sexy left, McCain's edge in the polls is leaving. So, I have gone on the quest to bring John McCain back. There are a few ways I plan to do this.

First, I propose that John McCain make the rest world seem frightening to white people, through professional wrestling. McCain should start using ethnic wrestlers in his rallies. My vision of how he should implement the wrestlers is like this;

:: Scene a John McCain Rally ::

"Victory in Iraq means victory in Afghanistan, I don't know why we don't just call it Iraqistan?"

:::Starts breaking things:::

"rawr"

"what are you doing?"

:::breaks more things:::

"I'm a terrorist. Can't you tell by my dark skin?"

"where are you from?"

:::breaks more things:::

"New Yo... err...Iraqistan"

"lets have a staring contest"

And then then the wrestler would blink and fall of the face of the earth. After, McCain would say "I did not blink then, and I will not blink in the eyes of other brown skinned terrorists!" Tell me that's not effective. I bet there are white people reading this screaming U.S.A. U.S.A.

The next thing to do is give Sarah Palin a job. It is clear that she's not ready to do interviews. It is also clear she is basically doing nothing in between ducking interviews and looking important. I say, the job Americans want to see her do is cook. I'm sure most republicans are not opposed to a woman in the kitchen. She could have her own show, where she teaches us how to make Maverick Moon Pies, a Bacon Bridge to Nowhere, and first dude doughnuts. We would also learn how to cut the pork, by charging victims of rape for their rape kits.... errr or something like that.

In order for McCain to compete he needs a rap song. Ludacris, Jay-z, Nas, Crooked I, and Young Jeazy have all made pro-Obama songs. The problem is that Obama has taken most of the good national recording artists, but that will not stop me from finding a suitable Mc for McCain. Instead of taking national route I would rather use a local rapper. That local rapper is S-Pomp. Think of how much win that is made of. The power of the Mavrick being channeled by S(Killer instinct the Killer instinct Killer instinct the Killer instinct Killer instinct the Killer instinct) Pomp. This would be the power move of the century!1

Yes, John McCain is down 10 points in some areas, but all of that will change. Want to know why it will change? It's because:

I'm bringing McCain back/

I am going to do it before his base takes a nap/(get it? they're old)

Rich people like him cause they wont pay tax/ (get it? tax cuts for the rich)

I'll talk about Palin cause men she can attract/ (get it? she's a vpilf)

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