MRN: the introduction

By: MRN

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April 18, 2008

 

Hello, and welcome to my first blog on barebacklove.com or whatever this is. Let me introduce myself for those of you who don’t know me. My name is MICHAEL ROBERT NOLL ! : ] (spelled in all capitals, with an exclamation point and smiley face) … however because of my wildly popular myspace page (myspace.com/mrn) many know me by my initials, MRN. I’m also known for my outstanding charitable work with myself and my many appearances on Dateline’s “To Catch A Predator.” I’m the guy who keeps bringing Arby’s. Girls love roast beef.

I’m a typical 29 year old guy. I like meatballs, lol kitty pictures, and all night pants-off dance-offs with my dog. I’m the kind of guy who gets drunk and does taxes, and takes deductions for things like “deez nutz.” My favorite color is clear, and I can jump 10 feet straight up into the air, probably.

I wish global warming was real because I hate cold weather but I don’t believe anything hippies say so I have to keep buying scarves. Someday I pray all the scientists of the world will finally find an actual way to warm the Earth. I’ll be happy when it’s 78 degrees year round and social norms adapt so it will finally be acceptable for me to go to the mall in a thong. Mall cops always be f’n up my lifestyle choice : /

In my spare time I like to sit outside of Curves and criticize the horrible parking. I like long walks on the beach and not having a period. I wish we had world peace, that way everyone would have their guard down when I took over with my army of Chinese kids riding dogs. It’s going to happen, accept it.

I’m a man of strong opinions. For instance I’m for lower taxes, and smaller government, and I’m against government earmarks. I’m also for dot head Indians and against the feather ones. I’m for dogs and against alligators, and I don’t like dolphins. They think they’re better than me. They aint better than me. You hear me? You hear me you blue finned lying drunk bastards?!

I’m a very humble and modest man. THE MOST HUMBLE AND MODEST MAN IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE EVEN MORE THAN JESUS! I believe there is nothing in the world that can’t be fixed by reckless gun play and chimpanzees. I believe Tom Cruise is a cult leader, I believe Oprah is a cult, I believe Carson Daily is the most useless human being ever created by scientists when they wanted to see what would happen if a goat peed into the womb of a sickly baboon.

I love my mom, hate my dad, love my girlfriend, love my dog, barely tolerate myself, and absolutely adore Kirstey Alley … she’s a national treasure.

I’m really just a regular guy with a long list of special talents and abilities that set me apart from mortal man. Between now and the time I’m banned from doing this blog, I hope I can spur important debates on the issues that are most important in our world today. Issues like hippies, kitties, and why Carson Daily is such a massive tool. While my views may not always be politically correct or even coherent, they will almost always have a swear or two. So in conclusion, damn, hell, tit mouse, balls.

- MRN

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